Steeling the Show – 3

We left Mr. Steele with Laura, pleading his case to be on the case.

artdirectors

The scene shifts to a glamorous studio set, where an executive-type is reading the riot act to one of his underlings.

“What IS it with you art directors? Everything has got to be the Taj Mahal? Didn’t you ever hear the expression: Less is more?”

ifyouranactor

He sends his minion off with the instruction, “So give me more. Just make it cost less!” Just then, Mr. Steele and Laura approach. What long, skinny legs you have, Mr. Steele!

The important man has no time for starstruck wannabes: “Look. If you’re an actor, leave your resume …” (Interesting that he assumes Mr. Steele is an actor, but not Miss Holt.)

thisisremingtonsteele

Laura sets him straight. “Mr. Haver, this is Remington Steele.”

His reputation – finally – precedes him.

thedetective

“Remington Steele? The detective?”

suddeninterest

This catches the attention of a guy standing nearby, talking to a script girl or somebody.  Behind him, a highly skilled craftsman is doing more with less.

See?

leadsheraway

The guy hastily steers the script girl away. Meanwhile …

ifmywifesentyou

“Look,” Haver says, “If my wife sent you, just tell her that I AM having an affair, and I’ll send you some pictures if she wants.”

hahahaha

Yuk Yuk Yuk.

laughingLondo

Hilarious.

smarmynotfunny

The detectives are … amused?

lookingforveronica

Laura informs him they’re here looking for Veronica Kirk.

“She seems to have disappeared,” Steele adds.

Laura suggests that Veronica’s daughter seems to think Mr. Haver is in the know as to the old lady’s whereabouts.

greedylittletramp

Haver is not pleased. “That greedy little tramp will do anything to keep me from making this movie,” he says, inexplicably pointing to himself.

youtellher

“Well, you tell her that I may or may not know where her mother is …”

undernocircumstances

“But under NO circumstances will I tell HER.”

lockawaymystar

“Why should I? So she can lock away my star in some loony bin?”

youlike

He produces a script. “You like movies?”

Does he like movies? Oh, yeah. He likes movies.

missholtnotfilmbuff

“Miss Holt is not quite the film buff that I am, but she’s getting there.” Steele simultaneously compliments Miss Holt and reminds her that he is the one with the background knowledge for this case.

wellplayed

Well played, sir.

wellI

Haver pronounces himself a film lover.

seedumbo

“I have ever since my parents took me to see Dumbo.”

behindthescenesdumbo 1941. Disney Studios.  Assuming Haver is the same age as Peter Jurasik, he would have been born nine years after Dumbo’s release. Presumably his folks took him to see it in one of its revivals.

reallygottome

“The magic really got to me. I was gonna break into this business, no matter what.” He poignantly recounts how he ate, drank and slept film.

finallyoneday

“And finally one day … I made it!”

Imadeit

Ta-da!

steeleissketical

Mr. Steele seems slightly skeptical.

aboutveronicakirk

Laura wants to get back down to business. “About Veronica Kirk …”

picturethis

“Picture this: In this film, she gets to play three different roles.”

queenof

“The queen of the Amazon tribe …”

themother

“the mother of a corrupt politician …”

tvanchorwoman

” …and a TV anchorwoman.”

whaddyathink

Ta-da!

clapping

Another Citizen Kane!

threetimesinonemovie

Showing the keen mathematical genius that fuels his business success, Haver adds, “All three die dramatically.”

ohhhhh

Sounds … gripping? Something like that: “Sounds splendid,” Steele remarks.

areyoukidding

“Are you kidding?”

nostalgiasells

“Nostalgia sells! Veronica Kirk IS a gold mine. I wish I had ten more like her.”

crawfordhopkinspitts

“But they’re all gone. Crawford, Miriam Hopkins, Zasu Pitts.”

leadingladies

guestshotsonloveboat

“All the rest of em are doing guest shots on ‘The Love Boat’.”

funfacticonThough Veronica Kirk never made an appearance on The Love Boat, her portrayer, Bibi Osterwald, did. It was a 1978 episode called “Ship of Ghouls.” Osterwald played a groupie of a magician played by Vincent Price. (The woman pictured here is not Ostenwald, but Joan Blondell.) shipofghouls

soyoutell

Haver is determined to save Veronica from Bibi’s cruel fate: “So, you tell that banshee who hired you that she does NOT control Veronica- or her money. Yet.” He stomps off, mad.

laurashavingfun

Well, this is turning out to be a jolly case, isn’t it?

 

 

 

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Steeling the Show – 2

After the feisty old lady disappears into the night, the next thing we see is …

fromthesoundofit

… a feisty young lady: Laura, looking crisply professional as always. She is speaking to someone in Steele’s office. “From the sound of it, Miss Kirk, she hasn’t been gone very long.”

contactingthepolice

Laura rounds the desk, where Mr. Steele is NOT sitting, and faces her presumed client (and Murphy, looking casual-Fridays as always). Laura wants to know if Miss Kirk has contacted the police. I want to know why Miss Kirk is dressed like Mary Poppins.

tequila

Miss Kirk explains she was hoping to avoid drawing attention to her mother’s “medical problem.”  That problem being tequila. And besides, that fact that “she’s been virtual shut-in for the past 30 years has given rise to – frequent lapses in memory, bouts of senility, and even paranoid delusions. For the past two months, my mother’s been convinced that someone’s trying to kill her.”

andtheres

Murphy gives her a look.

willis

I believe it’s THIS look.

Murph wants to know if dear, old mom’s fears are warranted.

nobadhat

“No!” she insists. “Not if we’re talking reality.”

itssafe

Needing clarification, Laura tries to put it delicately: “So it’s safe to say we’re talking about-”

afull

“A four-star loon.” And yet you’re the one wearing that hat, Miss Kirk. Who’s the loon NOW?

randomalertThe loon is the state bird of my home state, Minnesota. Here’s what it looks and sounds like!

 

Meanwhile, in the lobby …

rolodex

Bernice is idly thumbing through her Rolodex. Perhaps she is checking her contacts for a more rewarding job (I suspect Janet DeMay was doing much the same by this point in the season.)

steeleenters

In waltzes a happy-go-lucky Mr. Steele. He looks well turned out (and really thin; Pierce’s second wife will feed him better). Bernice hurries to intercept him.

thisisnew

“Look at you!” she gushes.  “This is new, isn’t it? What a fabulous color for you!”

Um, Bernice? You haven’t said a civil word to the man since he started working here. You think he’s going to buy this?

letmeguess

Nevertheless, Steele’s instantly erect … newspaper suggests he’s flattered. But not fooled.

“Let me guess, Miss Wolf. Laura is in my interviewing a prospective client and you’ve been posted here to prevent me from joining them.”

withatrowel

Bernice concedes she laid it on a bit thick. “With a trowel,” he agrees.”

justthisonce

“Look,” she cajoles. “Just this once, couldn’t you let me win?”  Clearly still turned on by this repartee, Mr. Steele responds, “What? And ruin our perfect record?” Is that a trowel in your pocket, Mr. Steele, or are you just yada yada yada.

perfectrecord

Steele leaves Bernice with a puckish smirk and playful tap with his newspaper in the vicinity of her backside. Bernice mentally prepares her sexual harassment filing.

couldhandlethis

Back in the office, Mr. Steele arrives just in time to hear Miss Poppins say,  “I was hoping your agency could handle this with the right sort of discretion.”

Good news! Discretion is Mr. Steele’s middle name!

goodsense

Steele pronounces himself pleased that his minions went ahead and started without him.  But now he’s here, and ready to take charge.

mayorsoffice

Laura says she thought he was still busy … “At the mayor’s office?” he says. “What’s the point? My views on crime are public knowledge.” (I’m guessing his view is that crime is bad – if he’s not the one committing it.) Steele prefers to be here, where the action is. Where he can really make a difference. “Eh, Mr. Michaels?”

ehmrmichaels

“You certainly do make a difference, sir,” Murphy retorts, using that razor-keen wit for which he is famed.

howcanwebeofservice

“Now, how can we be of service?” Steele asks. Ordinarily, any woman would be happy to be service by Mr. Steele. But Miss Kirk seems unaffected by his charm. On the other hand, Laura seems VERY affected.

JenniferKirk

The new client is identified as Jennifer Kirk.

motherismissing

“Seems her mother, Veronica, is missing,” Laura grudgingly explains.

kirkhesays

This piques Mr. Steele’s interest. “Kirk?”

chooseyourkirk

Which Kirk is Steele a fan of?

Steelethrilled

As Laura tries to explain the particulars of the case, Mr. Steele is agog. “Veronica? Veronica Kirk?”

camilleofgowergulch

“Not THE Veronica Kirk? Death’s darling? The Camille of Gower Gulch?”
fangirling

Squeeeeeee!

afraidso

Miss Poppins isn’t impressed. “I’m afraid so,” she says.

youknew

Laura, who apparently wasn’t paying attention to all those hundreds of times Mr. Steele has demonstrated his encyclopedic knowledge of film, inquires, “You knew Veronica Kirk was an actress?”

youdidnt

“You didn’t?”

touche

Well played, Mr. Steele.

hasntmadeapicture

“Oh, it’s true she hasn’t made a picture in- must be nearly three decades-” he admits.

couldbe4

“Could be four, unless Phil Haver has his way.”

whosephilhaver

“Who’s Phil Haver?” Steele asks excitedly. (Perhaps Mr. Brosnan, already tired of this gig, is looking for new representation.)

aproducer

Sorry, Pierce. “He’s a producer urging Veronica to make a comeback.” Thanks for the exposition, Murph!

ohagoodidea

Steele thinks that’s a WONDERFUL idea!

aparasite

Miss Poppins doesn’t. “Phil Haver is a parasite who bleeds pathetic old women of their trust funds.”

awkwardspock

Oops.

awordinprivate

Laura decides she’d better remove Mr. Steele from the premises. “Might I have a word in private with you, Mr. Steele?”

lauraglowers

Outside the office, Laura gives Steele the stink eye.

sensitivenerve

Mr. Steele intuits that he might have hit a nerve.

“Several,” Laura confirms.

thoughtofbeing

Steele is only a little sorry. “The thought of being a mere relative away from Veronica Kirk, a veritable legend of the silver screen-”

derangedanddrunken

“A deranged and drunken woman.”

somean

Yikes. Nasty much, Laura?

thefactremains

Mr. Steele, apparently intimidated by Laura’s contempt, says maybe calling Veronica Kirk a legend is a bit of an overstatement. Nevertheless, “The fact remains- Veronica Kirk WAS the queen of the Bs.”

I believe you’re mistaken, Mr. Steele. According to Wikipedia,  this woman is known as the “Queen of the B Movie”

Lucille_Ball_1944crop

Who knew?

buzzbuzz

Laura, who apparently has never seen a movie, and despite living her whole live in the motion picture capital of the world doesn’t know what a B movie is, responds, “Buzz Buzz?”

secondfeature

Steele has to explain: “B movies. Second feature in a double bill. They were made on a shoestring, no budget, no stars, just good acting, great scenarios, and plethora of inventiveness.”

containyour

Laura has no patience for what will undoubtedly prove to be knowledge essential to solving the case. “If you can contain your thrill-”

thrillLaura

Mr. Steele is affronted to hear his adulation trivialized. “Thrill? Laura, Veronica Kirk was one of the GREATEST femme fatales of the cinema.”

diedinmorefilms

“She died in more films than any other actress around- and better, too.”

betterthanGarbo

“Better than Davis, better than Crawford, and for my money, better than Garbo.”

CAMILLE-20

Garbo, dying. (In Camille. 1936. MGM)

mayoutdo

Laura worries that if Veronica isn’t found soon, she might outdo herself in the death scene department.

timetoreminisce

“You’re right. Time to reminisce once we are sure that she’s safe.”

whatmakesyouthink

“What makes you think that the mayor can spare you?”  Laura snarks.

youcantbeserious

“Laura. You can’t be so cruel as to come between a man of my cinematic expertise and a star like Veronica Kirk?”

cinematicexpertise

“Can you?”

canyou

Pretty sure she can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Steeling the Show – 1

So … after many months, here we are again. I confess I kind of abandoned this blog because of an apparent lack of interest (and it’s quite a lot of work, to be honest). But I was feeling a little nostalgic, so I thought I’d pick it up again – for now. Can’t promise how long it’s going to last.

ascream

Our episode opens on an outside view of a palatial home on a dark night. Suddenly we hear a scream. What horror could have prompted this bloodcurdling cry?

bibiosterwald

Perhaps the revelation that people actually name children Bibi.

behindthescenes

Bibi Osterwald in her heyday. She seems like a cheerful gal.

Bibi Osterwald in her heyday. She seems like a cheerful gal.

Bibi Osterwald had already enjoyed a long and active career before this guest shot on Remington Steele. Beginning in 1948, she played a wide variety of guest roles on TV (her only regular live action series role appears to have been as David Birney’s mother on the early 70s series “Bridget Loves Bernie.” Her final role was as Grammy Gingersnap on the Rugrats cartoon. She died in 2002 at the age of 83.

Suddenly we hear shots ring out! More screaming! A light snaps on in the house, and …

peter jurasik

… we learn that the very versatile Peter Jurasik is also guesting tonight, in the first of two guest appearances on Remington Steele. A steadily working character actor, Jurasik has achieved cult status in two roles in particular..

S1E6_JurasikBio

As the pompous and belligerent Centauri Ambassador Londo Mollari on the TV series Babylon 5, and as the ill-fated  compound-interest Program Crom in the 1982 film Tron. I gotta be honest: I love me some Peter Jurasik.

dimhallway

The screaming continues, not entirely convincingly, as our view moves to a dimly hit hallway inside the mansion.

figureinthehall

Suddenly a figure in a flowing nightgown appears at the end of the hall.

It seems it is she who is screaming, presumably from having stubbed her toe on one of those big pieces of furniture sitting in the hallway to trip over in the dark.

runninglady

As she gets closer, we see it is an older lady in a hurry.

The background music is hectic, letting us know this is a dramatic situation.  (Nothing communicates DANGER like the sound of a clarinet running up a scale, backed by a string section. Scary!)

fallingdownstairs

The woman reaches a staircase, and the sudden appearance of Gareth Davies’ producer credit in front of her causes her to lose her balance.

ladygoboom

She (or more accurately, a stunt double) tumbles to the bottom. Now we know what to expect from this episode: “Remington Steele and the Case of the Broken Hip.”

oldguytotherescue

Some old guy appears who looks like Batman’s butler (Is this the Wayne Mansion? Is the fleeing lady Aunt Harriet?)

batmanrunning

Holy unexpected crossover, Batman!

thehousewakens

He encounters another lady in a silky, albeit somewhat matronly, nightie, to whom he shouts, “She’s at it again!” At the same time, the credits helpfully remind us that Butler and Gleason created this awesome show.

applause

Well done, gentlemen.

peterlefcourt

The apparent rescuers dash down the stairs. We learn this episode was written by Peter Lefcourt. This is Lefcourt’s only writing credit for Remington Steele, but he wrote several for Scarecrow & Mrs. King (perhaps poached in the same raid that stole Beverly Garland) and Cagney & Lacey, among other series.

wheresthebody

The older gentleman and lady do not discover a body at the bottom of the staircase. This is a surprise.

mothershecalls

“Mother!” the lady calls. So is the old guy Dad?

youwont

We see the elderly woman again, looking almost regal in her nightgown and robe. Dramatically she declares, “He won’t get me tonight. Not tonight!”

seymour

And then, using the distraction of director Seymour Robbie’s credit, she escapes into the darkness …

 

 

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Steele Trap – 25

Apparently it’s Monday morning. We see Steele and Laura on the way to the office together.

aweekendaway

“Nothing like a weekend away from the pressures of work to  rest the body and renew the spirit,” Steele is saying.

justonething

“Just one thing before we leave the Devil’s Playground behind us for good.”

inthehypo

“What exactly was in that hypodermic needle?”

Laura, who apparently has had hours to do research in the library since they made it off the island, has the answer:

digitalisleaf

“Something called digitalis leaf.  The right dose slows down the pulse and heart rate to the point where only a doctor- ”

arealdoctor

“- a REAL doctor, can tell you’re not dead.”

cardiac-medications-16-728

FYI. (Don’t say you never learned anything from this blog.)

walntsandhoney

“Um. I never told you about the walnuts and honey, did I?” says Steele, who is apparently turned on by pharmaceutical talk.

hardatwork

Meanwhile, in the office Bernice and Murph are looking grim. Presumably they’re beginning to sense that their increasingly limited airtime doesn’t bode well for their longevity on the show.

theylookhappy

Laura seems very cheerful as they enter. Apparently Mr. Steele has just shared a joke: “Two walnuts and a jar of honey walk into a bar …”

incrediblefantastic

Murphy wants to know how the weekend went. Apparently the island full of corpses didn’t make the news.

Steele fills him in: “”Incredible. Fantastic. Couldn’t have been a more rewarding experience.”

quitewell

“We started to get to know one another quite well,” Laura adds.

meaningfullook

“You did?” Bernice asks as Steele and Laura exchange a meaningful look.

truthgame

“Our leader was getting very heavy into the truth game,” says Laura.

Wait. I thought LAURA was the leader.

Murphy seems dubious “Really?”

newwatchword

“Absolutely,” Steele confirms.

aroundherenow

“Honesty is the new watchword around here now.”

Laura is pleased by this news.

yourrealname

“Good. Then we’ll start with your name. Your REAL name.”

theywait

The support staff wait expectantly.

williamshakespeare

“My name …” Steele hedges. “As William Shakespeare so aptly put it, a rose by any other name-”

stillhasthorns

“Still has thorns,” says Murphy.

muppetslaughing

You’re quite a wit, Murph!

theend

Upbeat music plays as the screen freezes on Laura and Steele’s amused delighted interested bored expressions.

Well, what a rollicking ride that was, eh? Happily, though we leave the episode with the stage covered in corpses like the final scene of Hamlet, none of those people were very likable.

On to Steeling the Show!

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Steele Trap – 24

We are approaching the exciting climax of the episode! Oh, dear. Did I say climax?

okonemore

We see Steele and Laura racing toward the sound of the giggling.

snoopyiskiller

Here they come.

itsmemorex

As they arrive back in the drawing room, they are shocked to see …

skinnychick

Miss May, cavorting on tape.

wtf

This, it seems, is an unexpected development.

wtfcartoon

I thought Laura had this all figured out?

its9pm

Laura hits the pause button, and we note that it’s 9:08 pm. Does Mr. Steele get overtime for these long hours? Just then ..

comeout

Steele and Laura whirl at the sound of a voice behind them: “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

Um. I’m pretty sure they’re right there. Not hiding or anything.

abondgirl

Look! It’s Mrs. Roper, dressed like a Bond girl. Or a janitor.

quiteasurprise

Steele keeps his cool.  “Miss Russell. I must admit, this is quite a surprise.”

Is that your hands in your pockets, Mr. Steele, or are you just glad – nope. Just his hands in his pockets.
toodumb
Mrs. Roper has a gun trained on them, and now she’s insulted. You may wish to work on your people skills, Mr. S.

“Why? Because you thought I was too dumb to plan this weekend?” she says.

nooffense

“No offense,” Steele assuages her.

comfortablewithcartoons

“… but you do give the impression of someone more comfortable with cartoons than Kafka.”

Well, that should smooth things over.

shameonyou

“Shame on you, Mr. Steele,” she answers, leaning provocatively against the wall. ” You’re just like everybody else. When you have a face and a body, that’s all people figure you have.”

faceandabody

Something tells me Mr. Steele’s not so sure about the whole “face and body” rationale.

goodatsomething

“Devil magazine was going to be my chance to prove I was good at something besides showing myself,” she continues.

whatscomingtome

” Only, Ambrose didn’t give me what was coming to me.”

sohegotit

“So he got what was coming to him,” Steele says.

tapethatgreeting

Steele seems to appreciate the symmetry of her solution, but Laura wants answers. “How’d you get him to tape that greeting?” Laura asks.

sneakthruthekitchen

“He LOVED to prove how clever he was. When everyone was in watching him on television, he was going to sneak through the kitchen and be waiting at the dinner table when you came back.”

whatever

Can we just get on with the take-down?

Nope.

didntfoolyou

“I didn’t fool you for a moment with my impersonation of Dr. Bellows, did I?” Steele makes chit-chat.

took2years

“No, Mr. Steele. Not when it took two years in Switzerland to put me back together after that drunken butcher cut me up.”

waitwhat

Is there any point in us knowing this backstory?

askingallthese

“How did Dominic get in the house?” Laura wants to know.

“I hope you don’t mind us asking all these questions,” Steele adds.

quitetaken

“But we’re really quite taken with your creativeness.”

Are we?

unlockedthereardoor

“I unlocked the rear door. Didn’t want the poor man to catch his death outside.”

So … Randi killed Feldman, then ran back to the house, hid someplace while Steele & Laura locked all the doors, then unlocked the back door when they were elsewhere, then waited for Dominic to come back to his room and managed to get a noose around his neck and hang him (she’s stronger than she looks!), then got back downstairs ahead of Steele & Laura and turned on the VCR, then hid again until they came downstairs and confronted them instead of just shooting them dead when she saw them.

seemslegit2

If you say so.

intendtoleave

“Obviously you intend to leave this island before tomorrow morning,” Laura surmises. Meanwhile Mr. Steele, like the rest of us, seems on the verge of dozing off.

aboatmoored
“There’s a boat moored on the next island, just two point six miles with the current.”

2point6miles

” I swim every day to keep in shape.” Plus, she has a pair of flotation devices supplied by Dr. Bellows!

behindthescenesAccording to Wikipedia, “The Mae West was a common nickname for the first inflatable life preserver, which was invented in 1928 by Peter Markus (1885–1974) (US Patent 1694714), with his subsequent improvements in 1930 and 1931.[4] The nickname originated because someone wearing the inflated life preserver often appeared to be as physically endowed as the actress.”

170px-Mae_West_life_preservermae-west1

The Mae West life preserver; the Mae West

Isaluteyou

Steele seems delighted by the plan. “I, for one, salute you, Miss Russell.”

hitthebutton

Meanwhile, Laura steps back, pushing the resume button on the VCR.

contortions,

Cindi starts giggling again.

surpriseboom

Randi is demented distracted.

shallwedance

Steele makes his move!

finallygetshim

See, Laura? This is what happens when you turn Mr. Steele down too often. He lowers his standards.

likedyouasbellows

Randi, in her most familiar position (on her back) has the last word: “You know, I liked you a hell of a lot better when you were Dr. Bellows.”

badumsss

So now they just have to sit on her for another 12 hours in a house full of corpses, wait for the helicopter to come back, contact the authorities and explain what happened and undergo questioning at the police station for a few more hours. Sounds simple enough.

survivorphilippineslogo

And now we know where they got the idea for that reality show …

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Steele Trap – 23

darkandstormynight

It was a dark and stormy night.

moodlighting

But Steele and Laura are cozy, albeit uneasy, by a roaring fire.

laurahebegins

The intimacy of the scene moves Steele to feel like sharing. “Laura …”

ifwedontssurvive

“On the remote chance that we don’t survive this til tomorrow …”

knewafewthings

“…  I’d feel better if you knew a few things about me.”

notverypleasantthings

“Perhaps not very pleasant things.”

Laura seems oddly distracted here. After pushing him to open up for so long, you’d think she’d be more interested. Of course, there is the matter of the house full of bodies and the crazy killer on the loose. But still.

painfulmomentforSteele

Mr. Steele takes a deep breath. Clearly this is difficult for him.

itwasdublin

“It was Dublin,” Steele begins.  “The city was rife with unrest. Trouble to the north, trouble to the south -“

borninDublin

“Is that where you were born? Dublin?” Laura interrupts.

lauraplease

Steele doesn’t appreciate her interrupting the flow of his narrative. “Laura, please. These confessionals are trying enough without interruptions.”

She apologizes softly.

sorry

Steele decides to continue. “Uh, where was I? Ahh, Dublin.”

Suddenly there is a bang from somewhere above them.

whatwasthat

“What was that?” he asks.
“It- sounded like a shutter,” Laura answers.
gobackupstairs
“Does that mean we have to go back upstairs with all those …”

He seems … eager scared stiff.

dominichasthegun

“Well, I don’t think we want Dominic to find a way in, especially with him having the only gun in the house,” Laura says.

okletsgo

Okay, then.

onemorebuttshot

One more butt shot, for the road.

ifwerefortunate

Steele has been thinking about this detective business, by the way.

“If we’re fortunate to leave this island alive …”

insistwecarryweapons

 “I’m going to insist that we carry weapons.”

spookystairs

” Especially when we’re NOT working on a case.”
notworkingacase
They continue ascending the stairs …

lauraintheleadagain

Nice atmospheric lighting in this scene. Once again, Laura leads the way.

whynotholdhands

They walk side by side in the darkness. Seems like it might have been a good chance to hold hands for mutual comfort. But there’s not quite there yet.

anotherbang

Another bang, coming from one of the rooms.

ladiesdontgofirst

 “I  suppose this is- one instance where ladies don’t go first?” Steele ventures.

sheshisbackup
“Think of me as your backup,” she assures him.

shockingsight

They enter. Lightning flashes, revealing a horrible scene.

deadDominic

Silent Partner is even more silent than usual.

ifhesthen

 “Dominic?” Mr. Steele sputters. “Laura? If he’s … then who …?”

ofcourseshesays

“Of COURSE,” Laura exclaims, apparently not at all wigged out by the hanging body. (Remember how she reacted in “License to Steele” when she and Murphy came upon Ben Pearson’s body? You’ve come a long way, baby.)

seemtosuggest
“Of course what? This would seem to suggest that one of us is the murderer,” Steele notes.

ohwhataweekend

“Oh, what a weekend!”

somethingIsaid

“Something I said,” Laura muses.

somethingyousaid

“Something you said?” (Note the reflection of Dominic hanging in the mirror behind them, BTW.)

sawthemovie.jpg'

“About somebody ELSE having seen the movie.”

pretendingtobeavictim

The lightbulb goes on for Steele. “You mean, pretending to be a victim?”

startcheckingrooms

“We have to start checking rooms,” Laura decides.

cindigiggles

Just then a kind of maniacal, very familiar, giggling erupts below them.

wontbenecessary

“I’m afraid that won’t be necessary,” Steele concludes.

theyturn

They head back downstairs AGAIN.

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Steele Trap – 22

Outside …

walkingintandem

Our heroes go for a romantic stroll.

stopshort

Suddenly something causes Steele to stop short. Did he see something, or is it a cunning maneuver to feel Laura up?

You’re not fooling anyone, Mr. Steele.

incriminating

Oh, wait. I guess he DID see something. Specifically, Dominic bending over Feldman’s dead body.

heshoots

Dominic sees them and pulls out his piece.

ohbehave2

Sorry.

shootsagain

The Silent Partner fires his loud gun at our heroes.

theyhide

They take cover. Steele seems better covered than Laura. Not very gentlemanly, sir.

dominicrunsaway

Dominic scampers off into the forest.

theypursue

Laura and Steele leave their not-very-adequate cover.

piercesbutt

They head for Feldman’s body. Look at Laura’s bouncing hair! Look at Steele’s nicely toned butt!

deadfeldman

They find Feldman still dead.

notverypoetic

Steele picks up the murder weapon.  “Not very poetic,” he comments.

gotthejobdone

“But it certainly got the job done.”

Well, there’s something to be said for efficiency.

backtothehouse

“We’d better get back to the house before he does,” Laura suggests.

Um, considering he ran off a while ago and you’ve been here musing over the corpse, I’m pretty sure he will have beaten you back to the house already if that’s his destination, Laura. But what do I know; I’m not a detective.

returningtohouse

They approach the house at a gallop.

lockthedoors

Laura’s firing off orders:   “You lock the doors and windows down here, I’ll take the second floor.”

dynamicduo

Even in times of great stress, they make a nice looking couple, don’t you think?

slamthedoor

Steele slams the door shut behind them …

anotherbuttshot

… offering us another butt shot. Why not take off that jacket, Mr. Steele?

milhouseeyebrows

You must be a little warm.

steelegraceful

He races into the drawing room to lock the windows.

alarmedsteele

What’s this? Piano music coming from upstairs? (Steele looks genuinely rattled here.)

pianoplaying

Well, that’s weird. Especially since the piano is down here, in the same room Steele is in.

steeledetermined

Perhaps concerned for Laura’s safety, Steele sets his own fear aside.

headingupstairs

He heads upstairs …

warysteele

… enters Ambrose’s room and discovers …

fluffybed

Laura, and a tape player.  “I found it hidden in Dominic’s room,” she tells Steele.

hekilledmadeline

Steele is relieved. “That seems to nail it. He killed Madeline, put that tape on and was back in his room in time to react to the attempt on your life.”

untilhespositive

Okay, but: “He won’t leave this island until he’s positive we’re not around to testify against him,” Laura reminds him.

wonderfulromanticweekend

“What a wonderful, romantic weekend this has turned out to be,” Steele comments as they head for the door.

piledwithcorpses

“Trapped in a house piled with corpses while a determined killer lurks outside.”

lookcarefully

In the doorway they look right … (Note how Steele’s hand is protectively on Laura’s arm here. Aw.)

lookleft

… then left. The coast is clear.

Cautiously, they head back downstairs …

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Steele Trap – 21

Moments later (or perhaps hours later; time seems to run a little wonky on this island) …

randicameupwithit

… Feldman spins his tale. “It was Randi who came up with the initial financing for Devil’s Advocate magazine.”

ambrosepromised

“Ambrose promised they’d split everything down the middle.”

whenmagazinetookoff

“But when the magazine took off, which was almost after the first issue, he realized what a gold mine he was sitting on and he didn’t want to split up anything with anybody. ”

Oh, look! Someone took the time to make tea.  Just because the place is strewn with bodies doesn’t mean we can’t all be civilized, eh?

shehiredme

“So, she hired me to take him to court,” Feldman continues.

openwide

“She had him, too. Even though there was nothing in writing, they had a verbal contract, an oral agreement …”

byoneotherperson

“…witnessed by one other person.”

madelinesheguesses

“Madeline Vickers,” Laura deduces.

merelyadequate

“Lawyers, Miss Holt, are a glut on the market. When you’re merely adequate, as I am, there aren’t a lot of firms clamoring for your services.”

ambroseoffer

“So it wasn’t a difficult decision for me to make when Ambrose offered to let me represent the magazine in exchange for sabotaging her case. No, it was depressingly easy.”

Whatever. Get to the point, pal.

priceIguess

“Everybody has a price, I guess.”
madelinesprice
“And Madeline’s was a recording contract,” Steele remarks, genteelly lifting his cup.

Suddenly this is reminding me of that series of Taster’s Choice commercials in the 80s.

Gotta love me some Anthony Stewart Head. Anyway …

convenientlapse

“Ambrose set up the label, she had a convenient lapse of memory, the case didn’t even come to trial.”

nowthatambrose

Silent Partner breaks his silence. “Why don’t you ask him who gets control of the magazine now that now that Ambrose is dead?”

congratulationsinorder

Steele wants to know if congratulations are indeed in order. Wait. Are Feldman and Dominic getting married? How modern!

thosetwobroads

Feldman looks stunned as Dominic accuses:

madelinetellthetruth

“Only, as long as those two broads were alive there was always the chance that Madeline would tell the truth and he’d wind up with Randi as a partner.”

whataboutyouhedemands

Feldman retaliates. “What about you, huh?”

fullownership

“With Ambrose with out of the way, he’d have full ownership of the Devil’s Playground clubs.”

Boys, boys. Let’s not squabble. There’s enough pornography to go around for everybody!

nobeef

“Great reason to ice Ambrose,” Dominic retorts. “But I had no beef with the others.”

Could Dominic be any more of a stereotyped Italian mobster? Faggetaboutit. But his comment raises a question about the plot of this episode.

Just where is the beef, anyway?

kangaroocourt

“YOU are it, Feldman,” Dominic fingers him.

Feldman declares he’s had enough of this kangaroo court.

funfacticonAccording to Wikipedia, “Although the term kangaroo court has been erroneously explained to have its origin from Australia’s courts while it was a penal colony,[2] the first published instance is from an American source in the year 1850. Some sources suggest that it may have been popularized during the California Gold Rush of 1849, along with mustang court,[3] as a description of the hastily carried-out proceedings used to deal with the issue of claim jumping miners.[2] Ostensibly the term comes from the notion of justice proceeding “by leaps”, like a kangaroo.[4] Another possibility is that the phrase could refer to the pouch of a kangaroo, meaning the court is in someone’s pocket. The phrase is popular in the UK, US, Australia and New Zealand and is still in common use.[5]

kangaroocourt

Not to be confused with a kangaroo ON the court. Kangaroos suck at basketball.

feldmanflees

Feldman high tails it.

dominicfollows

Dominic follows.

gonnastophim

“Well?” he demands  “Aren’t you gonna stop him?”

itsanisland

“We’re on an island, Mr. Dominic, he can’t get very far.”

foundwithstiffs

“You think he was planning to be found here with all these stiffs when the helicopter showed up?” Dominic points out.

gotawayoff

“He’s got a way off this island. We gotta find him!”

makessense

“He does make a certain amount of sense,” Laura concedes.

Yikes. When Dom’s the smartest guy in the room, we’ve got trouble.

stillcantagree

Laura follows Dominic out; Steele dawdles. I think he’s had about enough of this sex comedy.

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Steele Trap – 20

We left Miss Holt and Mr. Steele contemplating their relationship. The next morning …

nextmorning

They are bright-eyed and bushy tailed (though one wishes Laura had spent a bit of that quiet time contemplating her wardrobe.)

splitup

Steele, at least, is well turned out. He carefully adjusts his pocket square.

riseandshine

He knocks on a door. “Rise and shine, Dominic!”

mrfeldman
Laura is Feldman’s wake-up call. Meanwhile, Mr. Steele does seem very concerned about that pocket square. There’s such a thing as being too fastidious about one’s grooming, Mr. Steele. Makes one seem a little precious.

missrussellhecalls
Steele attempts to roust Randi. “Miss Russell!” No response. He tries again; same result.

twoguys

Dominic and Feldman appear, fully dressed. Guess nobody bothered to shower this morning.

noresponse

The whole crowd converges on Randi’s door. Apparently the lady needs her beauty sleep.

steeleenters

Steele decides to intrude on her boudoir.

deadroper

Oh, dear. Such a tragedy. I mean, have you ever seen an uglier headboard? The interior decorator should be ashamed.

hypodermic

Mr. Steele discovers the murder/suicide/accidental overdose weapon.

cantsmellanything

He sniffs it. No, no, no. You SNIFF glue; you INJECT heroin. Get it right, Mr. S. In any case, he can’t smell a thing.

airbubble

“Could have been an air bubble,” Laura suggests.

Now, Miss Holt. The poor woman is dead. No need to insult her.

poorrandi

Detective Feldman makes a solemn pronouncement: “Poor Randi. She slept her way right to the bottom.”

tellusaboutit

“You want to tell us about it, Mr. Feldman?” Laura asks.

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Steele Trap – 19

Attention! Pivotal scene ahead!

deadagain

We see Laura looking pensive in the big, satiny bed. (I wonder if anybody got anything to eat? Who is doing the cooking now that Miss May is dead?)

sleepless

Steele has assumed the position on the fainting couch.  “Laura?” he says quietly.

“Hmm?”

beenthinking
“I’ve been thinking of what you said. About honesty in our relationship. And in the interest of a new forthrightness, I feel there are certain things you should know about me.”

skeptical spock

Well, that’s a surprise!

pleasant

Laura wants to know if he’s about to share pleasant things.

notnecessarily

Ummm …

notknowingisbetter

Laura decides ignorance may be bliss. “Sometimes, not knowing is better.”

wifeandkiddies

“For instance, I wouldn’t want to know you had a wife and kiddies tucked away somewhere.”

Unlikely.

orkilledsomeone

“Or that you killed someone …”

swindledlittleoldladies

“… or swindled little old ladies out of their life savings.”

nocomment

No comment.

whenIinventedsteele

Laura, in a confessional mood, continues. “When I invented Remington Steele, I gave him all the qualities that I admire in a man:”

compassion

“honesty, integrity, compassion, desire to help others …”

Sorry, Laura. If you found a guy like that, he would certainly be gay. Because that’s how it works. #bitterspinster

endlesslydisappointed

“Sounds as if you’re destined to be endlessly disappointed in me,” Steele notes.

animpossibleideal

“Maybe I created an impossible role for anyone to play.” (One wonders if Laura created such a paragon of virtue knowing no one could live up to her ideal – giving her an excuse to not become attached to any man who might break her heart.)

bathroombreak

Time for a bathroom break? Nope. Laura needs to get closer to Steele as she’s baring her soul.

verytenuous

“We have a very. .. tenuous relationship, you and I,” she concedes.

ifweever

Reaching him, she gets down on her knees to bring herself to an equal level with him. Significant?

takethatstep

She is very serious here. “And if we ever … cross that line … take that step …”

turnthatcorner

“…turn that corner …”

awfuleuphemisms

“All those awful eufemisms for going to bed with someone …”

maybeillwanttoknow

“Then maybe I’ll want to know – everything.”

intrigued

I think Steele is falling hard for this honest, vulnerable woman.

maybeiwont

“Then again, maybe I won’t.”

Sounds like Laura is a little conflicted. But there’s one thing she is sure of:

wouldwanttoknow

“But I would want to know it would mean more than a moment.”

uncomfortablesteele

Oh, dear.  And things were going so well.

morethanaweekend

“That it would last longer than a weekend in the Devil’s Playground.” Steele knows what she’s getting at.

commitmentofsorts

“A commitment, of sorts.”

tendersteele

Mr. Steele responds with heart-breaking tenderness. He can’t give her what she wants to hear.

avoidingcommitments

“I’ve spent the better part of my life avoiding those things like the proverbial plague.” (Note, however, that he doesn’t say anything about his future …)

understandingLaura

Laura figured as much.

helluvastart

“But the fact that you wanted to be honest with me is a hell of a start.”

A bittersweet moment, an acknowledgement of mutual attraction but potentially insurmountable differences. Still, there is always hope …

backtobed

Reluctantly, it seems, Laura returns to the bed alone.

sleepwell

“Laura?”

youtoo

“Hmm?”

alreadydozing

“Sleep well.”

“You, too.”

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