Thou Shalt Not Steele – 15

We’re still in the museum, and Steele and Laura are still in hiding. Laura asks Steele to promise her one thing:


“Never tell my mother about this.”

Just then we hear a voice shouting in the distance: “Hey, Flip! Come here, get a look at these!”

Well, there’s your problem right there:


Would you hire this guy to handle security?


Steele informs Laura it’s time they parted company.




He explains he’s only guessing on the security system around the painting; if he trips the alarm, he’ll need her in another wing as a diversion.


Laura argues that he’ll need help getting around the security system.


Mr. Steele finds this … amusing? Painful? Sexy? (There goes Pierce, showing off those $5,000 teeth again.) Steele tells her the alarm is probably heat sensitive, so two warm bodies will only set it off sooner.


“I really think we should stay together.”


“You almost sound as if you didn’t trust me.” Guess the heart-to-heart portion of the evening is over.


Mr. Steele slinks away, leaving Laura to fend for herself.


Oh, Mr. Steele.

Meanwhile, back in the well-appointed confines of Chief Security Guy’s office …


… the man himself is trying to convince his superiors he’s not drunk.


The rest of the guys will back him up! Let’s assume that standing around playing with the toys is all part of some cunning plan to thwart the evil doers. Meanwhile …


Steele sneaks into the gallery. Aw, he looks all Joe College with that backpack.


There’s the nekkid ladies. “Hello again, my lovelies,” Steele says. I don’t know; they’re okay, but some of those girls are a little hippy.


Steele unpacks a fire extinguisher from his magical bag. Safety first – he might spontaneously combust!


Next comes a … WaterPic? Well, that’s random.


Oh, it’s a Geiger counter thingy. Or at least it makes a crackling noise.


Mr. Steele sprays extinguisher foam along the path of his contraption’s crackly sound. (I’m sorry, is this getting too technical?)


He finally reaches the paintings. He tells them to cover up, so they don’t catch a chill. He’s so gallant! So considerate of the ladies …


Oh, wait.

There’s Laura, still hiding. And she seems to have urped up her cognac all over the marble table. Embarrassing!


Laura makes her move (perhaps looking for the ladies’ room).


Meanwhile, Steele is still yammering on to the nekkid ladies as he cuts them out of their frame: “I was always a cut above the rest, don’t you think?”

funfacticonPierce Brosnan has said he hated all the corny puns and one-liners he had to utter as James Bond. Guess this was good practice for you, Pierce.


Meanwhile, Laura is making her way somewhere, not very stealthily. More like sauntering. Or moseying.


Back to Steele, who has rolled up the painting.

randomalertHey, this reminds me of that episode of the Brady Bunch where Mr. Brady lost his super-important architectural drawings in the amusement park. Remember?


Perhaps feeling overdressed for the occasion, Mr. Steele removes his stylish cravat.


What ho! Turns out the neckwear is also a cunning fabric tube for storing stolen paintings. One of those versatile pieces that goes from office to evening seamlessly. Meanwhile, back in the security office …


Chief Security Guy is assuring his boss that of course he didn’t turn off the security system. ‘Cause that would just be STUPID.




Uh, oh! The laser beams are back, and Laura is in their crosshairs. Or something. Anyway, they make a big, scary noise.


The crack security team put down their toys and scramble into action!


Meanwhile, Mr. Steele seems to be having trouble with his jacket zipper.


Aha! Turns out he has a security guard uniform on under there. Did Laura know about this?


Speaking of Laura, she’s on the run …


… pursued by a couple of guys.


Back to Steele, who honestly looks more like a theatre usher than security guard. Where did he get the hat? (Magic backpack again.)


A guard bursts in. “They got the painting!” Security Steele shouts. “Follow them! They went thatta way!”


Head ’em off at the pass, Pilgrim!


Security guy goes one way, Security Steele goes the other. He flips up his collar as he leaves, because he’s THAT COOL.



What a coincidence! Security Steele runs into Laura. No time to chat!


They’re soon surrounded by other clowns security guys, who rough Laura up a little.


They start to drag Laura away, when Chief Security Guy glances back at Security Steele. “Hey, you! Go check the grounds. There might be another one!”


Security Steele hesitates. Will he really leave Laura to face the music alone?




I think Laura is a little disappointed in how their first date turned out.

So we see the uneasy alliance between Steele and Laura broken. Laura is understandably wary when he skips off to steal the painting without her. Steele is perhaps unreasonably irked by her distrust. We’re clearly meant to wonder whether Steele was indeed pulling a fast one. Certainly there were details of his plan that Laura wasn’t privy to. Whatever the reason, Mr. Steele letting a frightened, desperate Laura be dragged off alone was one of his least likable moments.


Filed under Season 1

3 responses to “Thou Shalt Not Steele – 15

  1. eaz35173

    I have to agree with you there – letting Laura take the fall in this theft was a very low moment in my likability factor of Mr. Steele. Why he left her there, alone and inexperienced, was beyond me when I first saw this episode. Even now, I still scratch my head about it.

    And, as for Mr. Steele calling the nekkid ladies “lovely”, we all know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are many men out there who prefer their women with some curves!! As a side note, PB speaks rather fondly of the woman he lost his virginity to … “The first girl I slept with was this gorgeous, voluptuous girl, Harriet. She was Botero-esque.” (Playboy interview – 2005).

    OMG – that gif of The Duke dancing with female legs – hilarious!!! Oh, and I remember that Brady Bunch episode!!

  2. daphgg

    Lol. Too funny that Duke ani.

    I also don’t like that Steele left Laura without any instructions except a vague notion to create a diversion. I wonder if he didn’t want her with him in case he needed to steal it again later. Maybe he was thinking he needed an escape plan if he couldn’t remove himself from Felicia and her blackmailer’s clutches. In any case the whole thing didn’t make sense and I was not happy. I mean I was trusting Steele too.

    I also could not understand why Laura was strolling around the premises. She is too smart to not have known that they would not leave the alarm system off all night. Although I can understand if Laura was upset about Steele ditching her, but she didn’t help matters at all by not trusting him and walking around. I mean that is why he ditched her because she couldn’t or wouldn’t trust him right?

    • eaz35173

      I don’t think that he ditched Laura because of trust issues. I think it was part of his plan all along. But, I’m as clueless to his plan as Laura is. It really wasn’t a nice thing to do to her on her first foray into this line of work.

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