When last we saw our detectives, they had rescued Mike Ito.
Looks like it’s still night time.
We hear laughter approaching the door to Steele Investigations. It’s our intrepid trio, plus one. Laura has a serious case of wig head.
They decide a celebration is in order. Laura remembers there’s still something in the refrigerator. But first she has to change.
Laura goes off to change, and Murphy goes off to … well, who knows. Maybe the men’s room. Anyway, Steele and Mike Ito are left behind.
“I wish I knew how to say it,” Mike says. (So does your acting coach.) “What you guys did for me today, that was really …”
“U and D,” says Steele. (Uninteresting and Dumb?) Ito doesn’t know what his savior is talking about.
“Just a little jargon we detectives employ to simplify communications.”
He leads Mike into his office.
“Whatever you call it, thanks,” says Mike.
Steele is diffident. “Ah, all in a night’s work, eh?”
“Sorry if I don’t seem more grateful,” Mike apologizes. Not to worry, Mr. Ito. We’re all used to your lack of emotional affect by now.
Steele is compassionate. See him express more with his expression than Mike Ito does with his dialogue? That’s called ACTING.
“Yes, of course. Your brother.”
“It was tough enough finding out he was dead … with all this Yakuza stuff.”
Mike confesses that at the moment, the only thing that seems real to him is Mr. Steele.
Well, that’s ironic. See Mr. Steele’s eyebrows? Even THEY are better actors than Mike Ito.
“Yes, well, we’re still trying to fit the last pieces into place ourselves,” Steele deflects.
Just then Laura arrives.
Her hair has recovered amazingly. But what the hell is she wearing? A monk’s robe?
Mike asks just how bad his brother was.
“We only know he was caught in a squeeze between Tenaka and a Major Craddock of army intelligence about something called the ‘Palace of Heaven,'” Laura explains. “Does that mean anything to you?”
Murph has appeared out of nowhere (again), with filled glasses. He hands them round.
“Well, what shall we drink to, then, eh?” Steele wants to know.
“Murphy?” Laura suggests. Well, that seems a little unfair. He hasn’t even been very involved in this case.
Turns out, Laura wasn’t suggesting they drink to Murphy. She was asking Murphy what they should drink to. Wonder why she offered that honor to Mr. Michaels. Does she perhaps sense he’s feeling alienated? With a side eye to Steele, Murphy offers, “Teamwork?”
Aw, happy ending. Hurray!
Wait. You mean it’s NOT over? Longest.Episode.Ever.
The group hears something in the lobby.
“Did anyone lock the front door?” Steele wonders.
“Quick! The lights!” Laura hisses. How many detectives does it take to turn off a light switch?
Three, it would seem.
They take up ambush positions.
The door opens, revealing a guy in a suit.
Steele grabs the intruder by the lapels!
The manly men of Steele Investigations muscle him to the ground, while Laura hits the lights.
“All right, I want to know who you are and what you’re doing here. And be quick about it,” Steele demands.
“I’m Dickerson from the morgue. You asked me to come,” the guy gasps.
Oops. But to be fair, who walks into an apparently dark office in the middle of the night without at least announcing his presence?
They help him up. I’m going to go ahead and assume they seriously messed up his hair when they tackled him, because if that’s what it’s supposed to look like, I’m just really, really sad.
“I work the night shift,” says a surprisingly forgiving Dickerson. “I came over as soon as I got off.”
He of course assumed that a place of business would still be open at 3 am.
Ah, now we know the reason Dickerson wasn’t miffed by being manhandled. He’s a fanboy! “Wow. Fact is, I am one of your biggest fans.”
Mr. Steele likes fanboys!
Fanboy Dickerson continues to gush, while Murphy looks on, disgusted. “I follow all your cases,” morgue man says. “Well, I can’t really help it, you know. You’re a source.”
You mean of – bodies?” Murphy asks.
“Hey, when Remington Steele gets going, then I know it’s time for me to clear the tables and tell my wife not to wait up.”
Yuk yuk yuk. You’d think if he’d worked so many of Steele’s
corpses cases, they’d know who he is already. Murphy seems to spend a lot of time picking up autopsy reports.
Laura introduces Dickerson to Mike Ito. “He isn’t the man who claimed the body, is he?” she wants to know.
Nope. Dickerson has never seen the kid before. “What was the name of the deceased again?” he asks. (Hey, the man works with a lot of bodies. He can’t be expected to remember ALL of them.)
“Mike, do you have a picture of Kenji?”
Dickerson gets out his specs. This whole exchange seems to be upsetting Murphy’s stomach. I can’t say I disagree, Murph.
Mike produces a photo of his dead bro.
“Yes, that’s the guy,” Dickerson pronounces.
“You mean the deceased?” Steele inquires.
“No, no. The guy that claimed him. The deceased was all torn up from the accident.”
“Are you sure this is the man who signed for him?” Laura asks.
Note Mike Ito’s reaction to hearing his brother may not really be dead. A subtle, nuanced performance indeed!
Steele suddenly busts a rather awkward dance move.
He pulls Laura aside. “Laura, I’m afraid to admit it so far along, but I’m afraid we’re in the wrong movie.”
She wants to know what he’s talking about.
“The Oriental angle threw us right off,” he explains.
Laura is apparently as impatient for this episode to be over as we are.
“What are you TALKING about?”
“‘The Third Man. Orson Welles plays a ruthless dealer in the black market who fakes his own death in order to avoid pursuit by the police. Only his good friend, Joseph Cotton, doesn’t believe it was an accident and begins digging to find out why Orson was killed.”
At that moment, Mike Ito approaches. “If Kenji’s alive, I’ve got to find him,” he expresses half-heartedly.
Like the rest of us, Mr. Steele seems unimpressed by his client’s performance.
Mike runs out, tailed by Laura and Murphy. Steele moves to follow …
… only to be collared by Mr. Dickerson, who wants an autograph on a death certificate. (Don’t do it, Steele! He only wants it to sell on eBay!)
“Just something simple, like ‘To my good friend, Dickie'” the guy suggests.
Steele’s got no time for groupies. He shoves the certificate back into Dickerson’s hands and sets off in pursuit of his colleagues.
Big mistake, Steele. Dickerson is going to smear you all over the internet for this.
Well, I don’t have much to say about this sequence. Does anyone?