Category Archives: Uncategorized

Etched In Steele – 17


And on to the tag!


Mr. Steele is in the office, doing what he does best: loafing. It must have been a slow news day in LA, as they give a six-column banner headline to the detective’s accomplishment. Also in the news today: Record 813,600 new claims for jobless benefits filed (yikes! seems like the collapse of the California economy would merit more ink); a drastic plan to un-jam airports (they’re getting rid of the planes, presumably); Senate votes to extend registration deadline; House plans program to fight crime (what need is there, with Mr. Steele in town?); and 24-hour notice demanded by oil workers (I think).

We hear the click of the door, and then Laura’s voice – low and a little breathless …

“She watched him … “


Mr. Steele lowers the paper a bit as Laura continues. ” … watched him even as he refused to look up and see her …”


Ah, there’s our girl! Decked out in a perky sweater vest and with a wicked gleam in her eye. “… for she was the one … [shuddering gasp] … who watched the watcher wound here.”


Mr. Steele offers his true opinion with his eyebrows. I think they’re saying, “Laura’s lost it.” His lips say, “You did that just a lick too well.” (I suspect there are many things Miss Holt would like to lick well.)


Miss Holt seems delighted by his observation.


“Could it be that, deep down inside, you were born to write hot and steamy novels?”

Laura responds that everyone should a little something to fall back on. Based on how brilliantly she’s invented the colorful Mr. Steele, I suspect she could indeed have a career in fiction.


Laura strolls over to Steele’s immaculately clean desk (does he even need that high-tech desk lamp?).

“What are you doing?” she inquires.

“Reading about us in the local paper.” (Wow! The story is even long enough to jump to an inside page!)

Nice of Mr. Steele to say “us.” Even though the public gives Steele the plaudits, he lets her know he recognizes it is a team effort. Note that he also includes himself in the victory – rather different from earlier, when he characterized himself as “a figurehead who contributes nothing but a winning personality and good looks.”

Laura, for her part, seems in an unusually good mood.

“Ask me what I’m doing,” she demands.


Steele’s willing to play along; he likes this banter. “What are you doing?”


She gives him a playful swat with the rolled-up magazine she’s brought with her, then gives him a grin: “Nothing.”


Mr. Steele is surprised and pleased by this turn of events!


“How do you like it?”


Hm. Laura doesn’t looks so sure … “It’s not as easy as it looks. I have this burning desire to balance my check book!”


Uh oh, Mr. Steele! She’s gonna cut and run!


But Mr. Steele will not allow her to backslide.


SuperSteele to the rescue!


“You have to fight it!” he counsels. “I find it helps to take a stroll at the height of the business day.”


“Irresponsibility is not a sickness. It’s an ART.”


And if anyone knows art, it’s Mr. Steele.


“Stick with me,” he urges. “I’m a master.”


Something tells me Laura is inclined to take his advice!

This is one of my favorite episode tags, as it shows so well the playfulness between these two when they aren’t at odds. I think Laura experienced a lot of growth in this episode, recognizing that life could be more rewarding – and fun! – than her rigid attitude has hitherto allowed. It was important for Mr. Steele, too, to acknowledge that he originally was hired to be a figurehead (and was happy in that role for a little while), but he is capable of more … and he WANTS that.












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Etched In Steele – 14

Picking up on Steele’s dramatic dissection of the crime …


Mr. Steele has just accused Charlotte Knight of killing her husband!

Brilliant deduction, Mr. Steele. Except …


Charlotte is prepared to come clean about her dirty little secret: “I didn’t write the books. Shoot me! But I didn’t kill my husband. Mitchell made me who I am; Mitchell made me Charlotte Knight. Without Mitchell, I was nothing. Besides, if I could have written the third book I could have written the first two, too. That makes sense, right?”


Laura seems inclined to agree.



Steele decides to backtrack.


Of course Charlotte’s denial makes sense. That’s why he quickly discounted her as a suspect!


Instead, he settled on the REAL culprit: “The man, in fact, who had negotiated the unprecedented film and paperback deals on the third book, an especially important negotiation, because he knew he would receive the lion’s share of the money, since he, in fact, authored the third book.”


“I am speaking, of course, of Dennis Baker!”



Only …


“Mitchell was one of my closest friends in all the world, which is why I didn’t negotiate the deal on the third book. If he wasn’t writing it, I didn’t want anything to do with it.”


“You didn’t negotiate the deal on the third book?”



Of course he didn’t! That’s why Mr. Steele ultimately identified the murderer as …


“Russell Forsythe!”


Forsythe is miffed. “This is not going to bode well for your next book deal, Steele.” But dogged Steele will not be intimidated!


“Knight was sick and tired of writing under his wife’s name,” Steele deduces. “He wanted to go public, expose the whole fraud to the world, write under his own name.”


“But you couldn’t allow him to do that because you knew Charlotte Knight was Forsyth House’s biggest success.”


“So you wrote the third book, then killed Mitchell Knight to keep the secret!”

Only ..


Forsythe points out that the day before he died, Mitchell signed Charlotte’s name to a brand new, three-book deal.  Apparently, Michell’s writer’s block had broken and he was raring to get back to the tape recorder.


So, Laura. What do YOU think?


I believe Miss Holt is praying this will all be over soon.


Our Mr. Steele seems to have developed a sudden bout of indigestion. I wonder why?


“Ummm … will you excuse me for a moment?”


Come along, Laura. Mr. Steele would like to have a word with you.

Well! This scene didn’t play nearly so well for Mr. Steele as it always does in the movies. It seems like Laura, knowing Steele was blowing smoke, could have interrupted early on and saved her figurehead some humiliation. Is she determined to put Mr. Steele in his place, remind him that he really doesn’t know what he’s doing? That SHE’S the professional here? Yet surely she’s shooting herself in the foot. How can it be a good thing to make the great Remington Steele look like a doofus?



















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Pardon the Interruption …

As you’ve no doubt figured out, the blog is on a bit of a hiatus, with the real world having claimed all my spare time of late. I am planning to get my stuff together in the next few weeks and relaunch the blog, hopefully bigger and better than before. Thanks for your patience!


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Etched in Steele – 7

Having stomped off mad from the agency, Mr. Steele stomps all the way over to …


… a slightly tacky looking faux-wood door. He knocks.


Trick or treat!


“Charlotte Knight?” Mr. Steele inquires, though he certainly knows who she is. “I’m Remington Steele.”

“Oh my goodness, you are, aren’t you?” she responds, looking somewhat predatory.



Yep, that’s the one.


Just then, Tony the Gardener makes a shirtless appearance. I wonder what he’s been ploughing today? Charlotte asks Mr. Steele to wait while she gets rid of a few things.


I think Mr. Steele finds her charming!


Moments later, Mr. Steele is being served champagne with a side of thigh strawberries & cream. We see Charlotte surreptitiously rubbing Remington’s calf as the butler (?) pours the bubbly.


Handing his hostess a fizzy coupe, Mr. Steele expresses appreciation that she deigned to see him, “especially now, in your hour of grief.”


Charlotte is blunt. “It must be more than apparent to you that I’m far from devastated by Mitchell’s passing,” she admits.


“I had noticed a certain casual indifference,” he concedes, but says he thought she was putting up a good front. (Interesting that Steele holds his glass by the base, not the stem. How gauche, Mr. Steele!)


Charlotte thinks Mr. Steele is sweet. (Sweet enough to eat?)




Charlotte wants to make herself clear. “I’m not made of stone Mr. Steele. I loved Mitchell. I loved him very much. It just wasn’t the love of a woman for her man.”


She pauses to demonstrate the love of a woman for her … strawberry.


Steele is … turned on?


“Am I making myself clear?”


“As a bell, Mrs. Knight.”


Something tells me this tete a’ tete is over.


Charlotte pursues the clearly uncomfortable detective.


How fast can you run, Mr. Steele?


Charlotte asks her visitor if she makes him nervous.



Steele decides it’s time to get down to business. “Let me tell you why I’m here. Perhaps you’ve heard, Russell Forsyth has asked me to write a book.”


Charlotte is thrilled! “We are going to have so much in common!”


Mr. Steele has something to ask, but he doesn’t want to be too personal.


The widow Knight assures him that isn’t possible.


“Just how do you do it?”

Well, that’s awkward.

Perhaps this might help, Mr. Steele.


Miss Knight seems … nonplused. She wants to know what’s the it he wants to know how she does. When he explains he wants to know how she writes, she is irked.


“How do I write? I write … WONDERFULLY.”

With those nails? How does she even hold a pen?


Steele is wondering the same thing. “No, no, no, no, no. I mean,  do you use a pencil and paper or do you type? Do you know what every chapter is going to be about before you put it on paper, or do you make it up as you go along?”


“That really is why you came here, isn’t it?” I think Charlotte is beginning to wonder if Mr. Steele is capable of loving her as a man loves a woman.


Mr. Steele’s not telling!

Here we see Mr. Steele doing his own sleuthing. It’s clear he’s dealt with Charlotte’s type before (I can’t help wondering how Murphy would have handled this situation). It’s interesting that Steele is willing to put up with Charlotte’s advances up to a point, but there are limits to what he’ll do to get the information he seeks. Is it just because Charlotte turns him off, or would he react the same way with another woman? I wonder, after this interaction with the widow, if Steele is still as convinced that there’s no murder case to investigate?









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Etched in Steele – 6


The next scene opens, presumably the next day, where we find …


… Mr. Steele soaking his wounded tootsies. Let’s hope he heals as quickly from this as he did the broken hand he got last week! Side note: Mr. Steele has some long, narrow feet!


Just then Laura arrives, looking prim and professional in a gray suit. Mr. Steele reminds her of his Holt-inflicted injury: “Look at that! It’s already twice its normal size. We really must develop a more practical signal for you to use when you wish to silence me.” (Hm. Steele’s use of “already” would seem to indicate this scene occurs immediately after the last one. But surely they didn’t change and go back to the office the same night as the party. Interestingly, his words also imply that Miss Holt may have used this particular mode of communication before.)


Laura, who seems in a good mood, takes a seat next to Steele. “You can smell it, can’t you?” she says.

Mr. Steele is affronted.


“Oh, my humblest apologies. And I suppose your feet have no odor.” Huh. I would expect a man as fastidious as Mr. Steele not to have such issues.


“I mean the murder,” Laura explains, apparently too absorbed in the mystery to bother to apologize to Mr. Steele.

“Murder? What murder?” Steele responds, a bit obtusely.

“The murder of Mitchell Knight.”


“So that’s why you tap-danced on my toes last night! You didn’t want me to cancel that book deal because you wanted to keep your hand in this ridiculous murder business,” Steele intuits. (Still hinting around for that apology, Mr. Steele?)


“Charlotte Knight killed her husband.” Laura seems to have this all worked out. She gets up and starts her customary pacing as she works through the details.

Mr. Steele gets to HIS feet (with some difficulty) and objects to her theory.

“Laura, Mitchell Knight fell. He was highly intoxicated.”


“Did you see the look in the man’s eyes? He was seeing a lot of shows that aren’t listed in the TV Guide.”

randomalert TVguideOn the week this episode aired, the mini-series “The Blue & the Grey” was on the cover of TV Guide. Inside, Mitchell Knight would have found listings for such detective fare as “Matt Houston,” “The A Team,” “Simon & Simon,” and “Magnum, P.I.”


Laura will not be deterred. She’s on a roll! “She wrote about it, made it part of the new manuscript, described every detail.”


“Then made sure that her husband saw it, made sure it sent him running for the bottle, and then Charlotte waited. Waited until she had plenty of witnesses to see just how drunk Mitchell was, and then she did it.”


She pushed or coaxed him over the side.”


Steele ain’t buyin’ it. “Laura, Russell Forsythe told you there is no such murder in the new book.”  (It’s a bit puzzling that Steele is so adamant about this. You’d think he’d also be intrigued by the fact that Mitchell told them about the manuscript predicting his death, which the publisher later denied existed.)


“I said she was cocky – not an imbecile,” Laura counters. “Once Mitchell had read that scenario, it would be foolhardy to keep it in there.” Heading for her office, she admits it would make things easier if they could locate that missing scene.


Steele follows her into the office, still arguing his case for no case. “Laura, you haven’t been listening! There is no scene because there was no murder.”


“I have an idea! Business is slow. Why don’t we close down for a week or two? Perhaps all four of us could go away somewhere. The Caribbean! How about it?”


Laura’s not interested. She has work to do!


“Work? What work? We don’t even have a client,” Steele very reasonably points out.


Just then, as Laura boots up what looks like some kind of video game, our pal Murphy appears with a complaint.

“Do you wanna keep it down in here? There are people trying to sleep in the next office.”


Oh, Murph! You’re such a card!

Laura is glad to see him.


“Charlotte Knight. Russell Forsythe. Dennis Baker. Find out everything you can about them.” She starts to hand Murphy some kind of print-out …


… but Steele snatches it out of his hand. “Take it from me Murphy: Don’t waste your time.”


He turns his attention to his most valued associate. “Laura, will you agree that if there is no death scene, there is no murder?” 


Murphy doesn’t appreciate Steele interference. He hasn’t gotten his contractually guaranteed 12 lines yet!

“Nothing personal, but all I have is time,” Murphy insists.


“What are you driving at?” Laura asks, a little condescendingly.


“I’m going to get every single scrap of paper ever written by Charlotte Knight,” he declares with inexplicable vehemence.

Murphy wants to know how he’s going to do that.


“My mother. Mrs. Steele,” he answers. (Um, what?) “Always taught me, it never hurts to ask.” He stomps off, in high dudgeon, pausing at the door.


“I’m also going to pick up four tickets to Jamaica. Pack light!”


Murphy and Laura exchange puzzled looks.

For me, the biggest mystery here continues to be why Steele is so set against pursuing this case. Surely he’s not that desperate for an island vacation. He seems to take this situation almost personally. Is there something in his past that makes him uncomfortable with the idea of a wife murdering her husband? Or is he put off by the specter of the pusillanimous Mitchell being so completely dominated – and ultimately destroyed – by his “partner?” And what the heck is with the reference to his “mother,” Mrs. Steele? Obviously all three in the room know there is no such person. Is Steele referring to his own mother, albeit by another name?









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With sincere condolences

I interrupt our current episode discussion to offer tribute to Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., Stephanie’s Dad and the jaunty Daniel on RS, who has passed away at the age of 95. He had an extraordinary career and was, by all accounts, a good man. I extend my sympathy to Miss Zimbalist and her family in this time of loss.

t-with_dad Daniel1


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Steele Belted – 12

Oh, dear. It looks like some buddy is having another very bad day.


The jail cell clangs shut again on a very disappointed Buddy Shapiro.

“Why do I keep listening to you?” he demands of Steele. “Before I was only looking at five years. Now, it’s murder!”


Just then Hunky Barry’s chin arrives, a full three seconds before the rest of him. The attorney tells his client that the gun that killed Rubio was traced back to him.


Buddy insists he only keeps the gun for protection, and hasn’t seen it for weeks. Laura has bad news: Buddy’s fingerprints were the only ones on the gun.


Buddy, perhaps hoping to beat the death penalty by dying of cancer first, lights up a ciggie. Pretty sure they don’t let you do that any more.


Mr. Steele commiserates with Buddy’s position, which is clearly disquieting. Meanwhile, Hunky Barry and Laura grab 40 winks. Too much excitement at the arcade last night?

Mr. Steele promises Buddy that he’ll do everything in this power-


“Please, no more help! I don’t think I could survive it.”


Chastened, the detectives and the lawyer take their leave.

CRIMEOFFASHION Mr. Steele is looking uncharacteristically unpolished here – just look at the puckered seam on the back of his jacket. I wonder if the costume department had to alter the jacket.

The scene cuts back to the Steele offices …


.. where a casually dressed Murphy slouches in the doorway of the executive office. He knocks on the open door.


Mr. Steele is at his desk … working? He certainly seems absorbed in some kind of paperwork.


The detective’s shirt is open partway, revealing his hairy chest and a flash of gold.

behindthescenes Have I already mentioned in this blog that the disk Steele wears around his neck is actually the back of a wristwatch that belonged to Pierce Brosnan’s grandmother? It is his only memento of the woman who raised him for several years when his mother went to London to study nursing.


Mr. Steele gets to his feet and performs an action that many fangirls might wish to emulate.  “I appreciate your timely response, Murphy,” he says.


Murphy explains that he’s willing to run a few red lights for the satisfaction of hearing Steele ask for his help.

Note that both men have their hands in their pockets here. What do you suppose THAT is about?


Steele pours them both a cup of coffee from an apparently cordless coffee maker on the coffee table.


It seems the former con man is in a confessional mood: “I realize we haven’t exactly been best of chums since I arrived on the scene,” he notes. “You’ve been rather mistrustful of me. Perhaps with some justification. I’ll admit that my past is a little obscure, and there have been times when I’ve taken advantage of my situation here, overspent some of the agency’s funds on occasion, intruded in areas where I didn’t belong on others.”


Murphy takes a seat.


Steele displays his seat. (You’re welcome.)


“Is that a-fair recital of my deficiencies?”


Murphy couldn’t have said it better himself … though he’s tried a few times.


Steele is delighted by Murphy’s witty banter. He points out that he and Murph have one small point of common ground:


“Laura,” Steele says. “We both care very deeply for her.”

randomalert This scene is beginning to remind me of those old Taster’s Choice commercials featuring Anthony Stewart Head. Remember?


“She’s a very special lady,” Murph agrees.


“And neither one of us wants to see her hurt or misused.”

Murphy says the only person he’s worried about on that score is Steele himself.

“Are you aware that she’s involved with Creighton Phillips?” Steele asks.


“Am I ever.”

Steele wants Murphy’s assessment of Hunky Barry.


“He seems like an all right guy,” Mr. Michaels responds, not very convincingly.


“I took the liberty of doing some checking on Mr. Phillips. Did you know that he and James Rubio were classmates at Harvard, until Rubio was expelled for cheating?


Murphy makes a little steeple of his fingers. This signals that he is intrigued!

Steele continues: “And that rather than turning down a partnership in his law firm he was passed over for one?”

Oh, ho! It appears that Mr. Phillips has not been entirely honest. Oh, Hunky Barry. I’m disappointed.


“Perhaps that’s why he’s starting his own practice,” Murph suggests.


Steele seems pained at the thought. He does some quick calculations. “In a suite of offices that go for twenty four dollars a square foot? Which runs out to $240,000 a year in rent alone?” He notes that doesn’t square with Hunky Barry’s professed concern for the poor and oppressed.


“So he’s not what he appears to be,” Murphy says coyly. He’s familiar with the type. He doesn’t see what this has to do with Laura getting hurt.


“Whoever set Buddy up with those stolen coins wanted him returned to prison badly enough to kill the two people that could prove he was innocent.”

Murph isn’t tracking why HB would want his own client locked up in the pen.


“The motive eludes me at the moment. But the thought of Laura cheek to jowl with a possible murderer gives me the chills.”


Murph still isn’t on board. “No motive, no witnesses, no hard evidence. You’ve got a hell of a case.”


“I have a plan.”


Now MURPHY has the chills!

This scene of male bonding between rivals is an interesting contrast to the previous scene between Steele and Phillips. For all their needling of one another, both Steele and Murphy recognize that each truly cares about Laura, and they can unite – albeit briefly – in protecting her. I was startled by Steele’s admission that he “cares very deeply” for Laura. That suggests a stronger investment in their relationship than he has previously been willing to concede. Your thoughts?



















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Steele Belted – 8


Still in Steele’s well-appointed apartment, Miss Stimulated is having trouble coping with her disappointment.


Steele prepares to administer a revivifying beverage.


She takes a swig while Steele looks on, seemingly amused.


Steele starts to take the glass back, but she has not yet had enough liquid courage. Just then the door buzzes. Company? At this hour?


Oh, it’s Laura. Guess her date ended early.


Or not. Hunky Barry is persistent! (I can’t bring myself to call him Creighton.)

Laura and HB head for the bedroom to pay their respects to Waldo, and Steele checks back with his make up date.


Yikes! Is there an open bar at this party? The lady seems to be slipping into a fugue state: “Everything was so tidy,” she murmurs. Steele leaves her with a little “buck up, honey” pat on the shoulder.


“Waldo Church, all right,” Laura comments when the trio have assembled beside the corpse. HB looks a bit taller than Steele here, but imdb lists Pierce’s height at 6′ 1 1/2″, Barry at just 6’1″.


Laura looks a bit green around the gills – too much junk food at the arcade? Hunky Barry hastens to provide support. Something tells me Mr. Steele isn’t too keen on HB’s big paws all over Miss Holt. HB wants to know if they’re all through in the bedroom. Interesting that HB is acting like the protective male here, and directs his question to Steele, not Laura.


Laura tells Hunky Barry she and Steele can handle it from here. Miss Stimulated is still clutching her booze.


The two couples bid each other goodnight in the time-honored way. I think Hunky Barry is getting more action than Steele. Kissing on a first date, Laura? Tsk.


Mr. Steele asks Hunky Barry to escort Miss Taplinger (so THAT’S her name) home. She perks up at the prospect of sharing a car seat with Hunky Barry. She decides to leave her mink as a parting gift for Mr. Church. She’s got plenty more at home.


After Thing 1 and Thing 2 leave the apartment, Mr. Steele sheds his jacket, ready to get down to business. Or is he?

“Sorry I had to interrupt your evening,” he says tersely.


Meanwhile, Laura is already in full investigative mode.

“Did you call the police?” (Not yet.) “Rubio obviously found that bill of sale,” she continues.


He: “No doubt you two were discussing the case!”

She: “He’s probably destroyed it by now.”

He: “I know how those business meetings can drag on.”


She: “He sold Buddy those coins, wanting him to get caught.”

He: “I called the office. You weren’t there.”

She: “Why? What’s the motive? What could he possibly gain by having Buddy sent back to prison?”


He: “You weren’t at your apartment, either. I left a distraught message on the damned answering machine of yours.” Steele seems to be getting a little hot under the collar!

It’s fascinating to note how Steele and Laura mirror each other as they pace back and forth. Their thoughts are in different places, but their bodies are in sync.

funfacticon  “Mirror neurons” in the brain are responsible for unconscious copying of the actions of others. These neurons and are located in the part of the brain called Broca’s area, which is also the language center of the brain. This automatic syncing of actions is thought to create rapport between people.


“You really should get one of those little beepers, Laura!” an agitated Steele snaps as Laura continues to yammer on about the case.


His tone captures her attention at last. Laura seems to have some turbulent emotions under her cool exterior. Could it be her rambling dissertation was a way of avoiding having to explain what she was doing with Hunky Barry?


“Where were you all evening?” Steele demands, rather petulantly.


“At an amusement park,” Laura answers, crossing her arms over her chest.

BeardedSMiley Crossed arms are generally interpreted as a defensive gesture. Do you think Laura is feeling defensive here? If so, why?


“So it was a social liaison!”


“It’s called a DATE,” Laura articulates crisply. (Or maybe she just wanted Steele to notice she’d had her teeth cleaned.) “It happens quite a lot between men and women.”


“I didn’t think you went in for that sort of thing,” Steele smirks.


Snarkiness does NOT become you, Mr. Steele.


“Dates?” Laura snarks back.


“Amusement parks.”


Laura suddenly appears vulnerable. “I like cotton candy,” she says softly.


Steele responds to the sudden shift in mood by taking a step toward her.


“Let’s call the police,” she says abruptly as he draws near.


Her cool, unruffled mask slips back into place as she heads for the phone.


Mr. Steele doesn’t seem to shake off the moment quite as easily.


Laura sighs heavily as she waits for 911 to answer the phone.

I find this a fascinating scene for what it reveals about the developing relationship between Steele. I didn’t see any particular jealousy on Laura’s part at the sight of Miss Taplinger; I suspect she knows Miss T is just another bimbo that Steele plays with and then moves on. But Steele is CLEARLY perturbed about seeing Laura with Hunky Barry. He reacts in a kind of knee-jerk way, behaving almost cruelly in suggesting that Laura isn’t interested in (or perhaps, he implies, isn’t asked out on) dates. Laura is curiously shaken in this scene, and I don’t think it was about Waldo’s demise. Having Hunky Barry act so proprietarily toward her in front of Steele unsettled her. Perhaps she was thinking about HB’s previous suggestion that Steele looks “erotically” at her, and doesn’t want Mr. Steele getting the wrong idea about her and Barry. Laura’s almost tremulous comment about liking cotton candy is interesting – how do you interpret her behavior here? And what was Steele’s intention when he moved toward her? A comforting hug? A passionate kiss? Share your thoughts!











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Steele Belted – 7

While Laura and Hunky Barry are playing games at the arcade, Mr. Steele has his own amusements.


We first see a door cracking open into a darkened room.


A flip of the light switch reveals Mr. Steele and his date from the previous evening.


She’s pleased with what she sees: “It’s so tidy!”


Turns out the lady is a neat freak. A well-ordered habitation stimulates her!

BeardedSMiley Because I’m willing to go the extra mile for you, dear reader, I actually did some research to find out if there is a recognized sexual disorder/fetish for “neatness.” I found none; however, there is a disorder called mysophilia, in which a person becomes aroused by “dirtiness, soiled or decaying things.” So Steele’s date has whatever the opposite is of this.


The lady begins shedding her fur as she takes in the ambiance of Steele’s apartment. She tells him that if the whole place is this well-ordered, it might take all night to calm her down.


Mr. Steele stands ready to assist.


He directs his date to the boudoir, no doubt to freshen up before they pull out a board game. Scrabble, anyone?


While he date is getting fresh, Mr. Steele turns up the heat.


Suddenly Miss Stimulated reappears, looking a bit less … eager. Steele is disappointed; surely she hasn’t calmed down already? She replies that she found the bedroom a bit crowded for her taste.


Steele and the lady enter the bedroom. Are those two-toned shoes? Oh, dear.

Happy news!


You can get a pair of shoes just like this on eBay for only $79. I wonder if Waldo is the seller?


Guess not. Waldo won’t be selling anything any time soon.


The sequined chick wants to know if he’s ….

“Extremely,” Steele confirms. Not to mention:


Sequined chick expresses bemusement that there are so many creative ways to end an evening.

Either Mr. Steele particularly likes this woman, bringing her home two nights in a row, or it’s because she’s a sure thing (Laura’s not the only itchy one). Mr. Steele doesn’t seem all that stimulated himself – he is positively leisurely in setting the stage for seduction – and treats the lady with just slightly less detachment than he does the corpse. I’m a little sorry to see Waldo go. Not because I particularly liked him, but because his name was Waldo.






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Steele Belted – 5

We’re back at what may or may not be the Beverly Garland Hotel, circa 1982.


Laura and a now-nattily-dressed Mr. Steele arrive. Look! They’re wearing matching outfits!

BeardedSMiley Hm. Here’s what one psychotherapist says about couples who dress alike: “When couples dress similarly, it’s often because one of them has less confidence than the other. They fall into a copycat look which excuses them from finding their own identity.”  Do you think this applies to Laura and Mr. Steele? Is Mr. Steele following Laura’s lead as a way of cementing his new identity?


The two detectives enter the building via a door that, strangely, isn’t locked this time.


They find their client counting his money. For a paranoid fugitive, he seems oddly unconcerned that his hotel door is standing wide open. The roses Laura gave him have opened up nicely.


“Mr. Shapiro, let me present Remington Steele,” Laura says. Shapiro seems unimpressed.


“Gornisht nit helfn.”

randomalert As Elise predicted, it appears it might be helpful to have a working knowledge of conversational Yiddish to fully appreciate this episode. Here’s a site with some instruction, for us goyim. Learn Yiddish Slang.


Based on their expressions, I think we can assume Laura and Steele are also goyim.


“It means, ‘nothing will help,'” Lawyer Phillips helpfully translates.


While Laura explains that Waldo Church contacted Mr. Steele, Mr. Steele is preoccupied with  watching Barry. He is a fine specimen, Mr. Steele.

Here’s another gratuitous beefcake shot.


(Try not to drool too much over Dick Van Patten. That neckerchief is some kind of sexy.)


Shapiro wants to know if Steele’s got the bill of sale.


“Not quite,” he admits.

Shapiro wants one good reason why he shouldn’t hit the road to Rio.

funfacticonroadtorio The Road to Rio. Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, Dorothy Lamour, Paramount Pictures, 1947. Two inept vaudevillians stow away on a Brazilian-bound ocean liner and foil a plot by a sinister hypnotist to marry off her niece to a greedy fortune hunter.


“Go on, sir,” Laura prompts. “Tell Mr. Shapiro why you urge him not to go to Brazil.”


“For one … the language barrier,” Steele suggests, no doubt wondering (as we all are) why Laura chose THIS moment to let him be the spokesman.


Shapiro says he’ll stop at Berlitz.

funfacticon The Berlitz Corporation, founded in 1848, offers immersion-centered language instruction. It has centers of study around the world.

Steele tries again.


“A stagnant economy. Double-digit inflation.”


“So long as they can’t extradite me, I’ll make do.”

He’s a tough nut to crack, this Shapiro. One might even call him a farbissener. Oy!  (I’m likely to get myself in trouble here …)


“Not worth the price,” Steele says, a little half-heartedly. Still, Laura declares he’s making a great deal of sense!

But Steele has an even better idea:


“On the other hand, a place like the Bahamas seems ideally suited for your needs,” Steele advises. I’m not sure Laura is on board with this idea!

Steele continues his pitch: “They speak the Queen’s English, there are a million tax shelters, all sorts of dummy corporations …”


Laura’s expression suggests there’s at least one dummy right here.

Steele backtracks. “On the other hand, you’d be admitting your guilt, be a fugitive for the rest of your life.”


“Of course, in the Bahamas, even a fugitive can live quite comfortably.” (Speaking from experience, Mr. Steele?)


Hunky Barry points out that Steele seems a little ambivalent here. Laura seems impressed by his insight!


There’s Mr. Steele, admiring Hunky Barry’s … exit … again. Meanwhile, Laura is still trying to save the case.

“What Mr. Steele means is, no matter how well you live, you can never be truly free,” she says.


Her impassioned plea has an effect. “I don’t know!” he kvetches. He abruptly walks out, followed – after a nudge from Laura – by Mr. Steele.


Now it’s Hunky Barry’s turn to ogle Steele. What’s going on here? Faygeleh? (Keri! Just.Stop.)


After Steele and Shapiro leave, Hunky Barry has a quiet word with Laura.

“Whether he stays or not, we’d better plan our next move.”

Hmmmm. This is curious; almost seems like Laura and Hunky Barry are in cahoots (a French, not a Yiddish term) about something.

Hunky Barry (HB) suggests they regroup over dinner. Somehow I don’t think he’s including Steele in this tete-a-tete (also French!).


Laura seems … interested. Nevertheless, she makes it a rule never to go out with clients.


HB points out he’s not a client. His client’s a client.


“An office seems more appropriate,” Laura purrs.


Presumably she means THIS office.

HB is disappointed that Laura doesn’t mix her business with a smidgen of pleasure.


“When I’m in the market for pleasure, Mr. Phillips, I want a lot more than a smidgen.”


Oh, behave!


Hunky Barry seems down wid it.


Just then Steele and Shapiro return. Shapiro’s decided the Steele Agency is too high class for this job. Steele looks like a trust fund guy. “Bed warmers, nannies, summers in the Alps.”


Steele wants to know if Shapiro is familiar with Brixton, in London. It’s the worst part of town. “Three quid gets you a night’s lodging and your throat cut. No jobs, no prospects, no hopes. Only two ways out: Get sent to the nick, or snuff it.”

Shapiro is impressed.


“I think I could love this man.” He agrees to give Steele a few days to produce the bill of sale; if he doesn’t, Steele promises to personally help him escape to the Bahamas.


“We all have special feelings for Mr. Steele,” Laura murmurs.


They share a Meaningful Look. (I’m verklempt!)

Shapiro offers to buy Steele a drink; they depart. Hunky Barry asks Laura if that stuff about Brixton was for real.


“I wish I could tell you.”

Wow, lots going on in this scene! We see Steele and Laura seemingly working as partners, but she inexplicably throws him under the bus by making him come up with reasons why Shapiro shouldn’t leave. What was her reasoning behind that? Did she really think he was glib enough to come up with a compelling argument? Or was she for some reason trying to put him in his place? There is certainly a heavy flirtation going on between Laura and Phillips, something Steele picks up on immediately. Steele seems to be sizing Phillips up – is it only because he sees him as a potential rival for Laura? Miss Holt seems VERY interested by the lawyer, which calls into question her attachment to Mr. Steele (and perhaps is another clue to where this episode should fit in the season). Is Laura really interested in Phillips? Is she trying to deny/distract herself from her attraction to Steele? Does she want to make Steele jealous? Let me know your thoghts!











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